I am trying to remember – when did it happen? When was that point in time? The point, when my transition process began? Transition that took many years and changed me from a manager of a big corporation into a business coach. From a structured and predefined work environment to a flexible schedule and a way of living by my own rules. A corporate woman in a red business suit and high heels (scary – now I can’t even look at those in a shoe shop) became a woman dressed in casual clothes and comfortable sport shoes.
So, when did it actually happen?
I can see some memory flashes. The first one, perhaps, was a moment in an elevator on the way home. It was the end of a long working day and waiting for the lift I was mentally going through the tasks that I needed to do tomorrow. The lift doors opened and I stepped in. Still in my thoughts I looked in the mirror and saw…a panda. It wasn’t a cute panda – one that happily munches on green bamboo in a zoo, loved by visitors and cared for by the zoo staff. Or full of energy Po, the Kung Fu Panda from DreamWorks Animation. The panda in a mirror looked very tired and… overworked!??
In the morning I realised what had happened. By the time I was leaving the office the night lights were on in the elevator. You know, those horrible blue hospital lights. They created a ‘panda’ effect in the mirror – a white face and big black circles around the eyes. In daylight my face was back. But the image of an “overworked panda” was sneaking up on me from time to time like a vague caution.
Another flashback – an ordinary corporate morning. Young colleagues are having coffee and chatting. All said hello to me and then one of them said: “Oh, Alina, you look much better today! I saw you on the street last night. You were on your way home and looked so tired and worn out…” Me? Who carries herself and our corporate flag so high and proud? Tired and worn out?!! And someone just felt sorry for me??
That was unexpected. Something had obviously gone wrong. And it made me think about myself and the direction my life was taking.
One more memory, probably the most significant and definitely the most mystic of all. I saw a dream. Needless to say, it was a time when I was actively thinking if I should leave the corporate world and move to … Where should I move to? I couldn’t see any direction. But my body was sending me clear hints that the move was inevitable.
The dream was short and simple. In the dream I was swiftly flying up in something that looked like an old bathtub. And at the end of this ascendance, when my “vehicle” stopped, I heard a voice, which asked a single question: “What have you done with your life?” The voice was sexless and very loud. And then I woke up.
To say that I was in shock is to understate the point :-). In that period of my life I was not yet familiar with mystical and esoteric literature. Being a very rational and sensible person, I said to myself: “Well, this is the last straw. Now I’ve started hearing voices in my head!” But the effect was so powerful, that I could not forget it easily.
Today, after many years of collecting knowledge and different paradigms, I can see that the dream can be interpreted in many different ways. Some would call it God’s voice. Others would see it as the most sensible part of me, the sage that stayed conscious while I was struggling with the difficult process of decision making. Or it can be seen just as a bad dream caused by my health issues.
Whatever it was, it led me to the right place. Because the next morning, when I woke up, I made a decision to resign, no matter what!
And I never regretted it.
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